I've been spending a lot of time in the world of Phantasy Star Universe, living my online life as a Guardian of the Gurhal System. It brings me a sort of peace, seeing as it's the only place I go where I actually feel wanted.

To be honest, my life after Julie has been extremely lonely. After leaving my apartment, joining XBox Live and moving back to the other side of town... I've become a lot more lonely than before. Very few people talk to me online, almost no one calls, I never have any visitors and my social life has become almost non-existant.

I go back and think about people from my past... particularly one person who I used to date. I don't want to mention names here, but she's been someone I've missed for years. I hated that we split apart because of a lie, a lie I was forced into because I was too scared to stand up for myself. And I still haven't forgiven myself for shattering her heart. It's been almost six years now, and I still haven't gotten over that. I wish I could've told the truth, go back in time and never let that happen. But I can't. And I don't think I'll ever be forgiven.

If she ever does read this, I hope she knows that I've lived with this regret and an apology could never come to the level of what I wanted to say to you. I just wish I could hear your voice again, to hold you in my arms just one more time...

Memories are painful, reality is cold, but wishes are eternal. Maybe one day mine will be granted...